Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The changes to come...

This would be the last entry I'm posting in this blog... Herein contains my journey the last 4 years, my memories...I would also like to say thank you to the friends who have left their thoughts and encouragements here... :)

To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what was planted,
A time to kill;
And a time to heal,
A time to break down;
And a time to build up,
A time to weep;
And a time to laugh,
A time to mourn;
And a time to dance,
A time to cast away stones;
And a time to gather stones,
A time to embrace;
And a time to refrain from embracing,
A time to gain;
And a time to lose,
A time to keep;
And a time to throw away,
A time to tear;
And a time to sew,
A time to keep silent;
And a time to speak,
A time to love;
And a time to hate,
A time of war;
And a time of peace.

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NKJV)
But I still believe in one thing: Love (agape) in all seasons!
GOD bless you and keep you in CHRIST, amen.

It doesn't rain, it storms

I have been trying to rest for this period of time... And this is the most difficult time of all... Because I have lost everything important to my life... And it is devastating to me...

One after another, pillar by pillar collapse... And I can do absolutely nothing about it... Only can stand and watch; I have tried everything within my human means but all proved futile...

A torrent of whys formed in my head... Why???!!!
What is it I have to learn? Is it because of my sins that GOD is punishing me? Is this spiritual warfare? What is this all about?

I ask GOD: What have I done to deserve all these? I gave of my heart and I never expect certain things to happen, from some people...

I saw JESUS, beautiful and perfect.. Full of love and helped so many people but what did he get from the very people whom he loved? Exactly what at all did he deserve to be tortured and crucified? JESUS loved and still love us, despite it all... Despite our imperfections, even though we are already baptised in water or SPIRIT... Yet HIS love is so steadfast, so so strong.

I ask GOD: I know what I'm going through is nothing as compared to what GOD has gone through, and moreover, I was a sinner redeemed by YOU and who still have so many occasional sins... But I can't help crying out coz it hurts too... It hurts a lot, one after another, why? Tell me what to do, so I can stop more things from happening?

I saw JESUS with a cup, looking up where a soft light was shining down. I understood that it meant "This is the will of GOD, HIS purpose for you". And JESUS did not ask "Why?" HE had the power, but HE laid it all down for my redemption.

I ask GOD: How will I pick up myself then? How is it possible? Can I wipe out my heart? I feel like running away from everybody and everything. I can't seem to find myself back... Faith, hope, joy, strength, passion, sunshine all seem to have gone from me... The world from my eyes have become dark, gloomy, hopeless and painful...

I just read an email today: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33, NIV).

IN JESUS I will find peace... I have forgotten...

More excerpts from the online Billy Graham Decision Magazine:
Seeking God in Our Pain»
by Greg Laurie
Sometimes we allow trouble, trauma and hardship to cause us to be angry with God. We withdraw from Him and don’t want to talk to Him. My friend, that’s when you need Him more than ever! Cry out to Him with your doubts. Cry out to Him with your pain. He will patiently, lovingly, hear you. He might set your crooked thinking straight as you seek Him, but He wants you to pour out your pain. He loves you!
Think of the way Job responded to devastating circumstances. Job not only lost a son, he lost seven sons and three daughters in one unimaginable day. And that was in addition to losing all his possessions and his health! But what did Job do? He cried out to the Lord, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21, NKJV).
Job did go on to question God in the days that followed, saying, “Lord, why?” There’s nothing wrong with asking God why, as long as you don’t get the idea that He somehow owes you an answer. Frankly, God doesn’t owe you or me an explanation.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Perfect Cut

There was the fantastic Part 1 and now the equally great Part 2. This drama brings out a lot of issues faced by our modern society. Vanity, insecurity, hurts, bitterness, love, etc.


Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Because You Loved Me

Chanced upon this song when I was looking for another (that was ringing in my head). Found this entry when I was looking for one with lyrics. The one that I chanced upon at first was the one with Celine Dion's picture. I am glad that this one is more apt because as I heard the song again today (the first time was in Secondary school), my thoughts went to GOD, the true Lover of my soul. In the lyrics, every word is apt, but I don't think I call JESUS "baby" though :p


Over these few weeks, I learnt the importance of the word - Treasure.

During this period, I will take things slow. I will trust that HE will lead me to the place of rest. And where I should be. Although I am not doing well in many aspects, I will have faith that GOD will not let go of me. This is HIS promise, isn't it?

It is not easy for me to be so weak. I have never been so weak before. I am just not used to it. Being very much an on-the-ball person, it is really difficult to be faced with not having what I used to have before - energy, stamina. In everything, I put in my very best, but now, I can't even will myself even if I wanted.

When will I heal? Life is short. I don't want to stay down for too long. It seems so difficult now, but I want to be strong again. I have a responsiblilty.

Right now, I'll just treasure what I have, which is I have a lot actually. I've been very blessed. GOD has given me a lot. I'm fortunate, very fortunate.

So even though I thought I only got sorry to tell GOD, I know now that I have many thank YOUs to say to HIM too. Even though I do not deserve, HE has freely given, and has proven HIMSELF to be faithful.

Monday, March 02, 2009


Dear GOD,

It hurts... It hurts so badly...
Why do I face this loss?
Especially after giving my all?
Why does things have to turn out this way?
If only I knew, I would have tried to protect,
To prevent the pain that hides behind time,
Such short time indeed.
It feels like blood flowing out of my heart,
My soul crushed to bits,
GOD, why does it have to hurt so?
Why must I arrive here?
It hurts... It hurts so badly...

I can cry a river, I have.
My eyes is always misty nowadays
And my body, it feels weak, so weak...
I am afraid to look long in the mirror
Coz I know I will see sadness
And I know more sadness it will bring
I am afraid to face all the images and memories my sadness carries.

GOD, I am so tired
I'm so worried.
I feel like such a failure,
I feel so sorry
I feel helpless.
YOU have clearly taken all things out of my hands now
Coz YOU know what I need and I don't.

It is time to rest.
I need rest.
I need to sleep for a while.

Friday, February 27, 2009

1 John 3:18

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."

John 12:35
"Then JESUS said to them, "A little while longer the light is with you. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you; he who walks in darkness does not know where he is going."



Not in picture: Mr Pig

Monday, February 23, 2009

My heart bleeds...

Great sadness fills my heart...
But I will be strong, I will stand up...
in JESUS name, amen.

No Overnight Food!

Been down with food poisoning & gastric flu for almost a week... Felt so terrible... Had to see 2 "western" doctors & 1 "Chinese" doctor... Phew! Thank GOD tomorrow will be better... :p

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

No Surprise...

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."

This verse in Romans hit me with a new perspective today... "Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword" reminds me that yes, we will definitely face (some, hopefully not all :p) these in life... So we shouldn't be surprised when any of these happen to us...

The following line is an instruction (and encouragement) to exercise faith over a spiritual fact that "we are more than conquerors through HIM"... It also reminds us of the origin of the power and glory --> CHRIST's love for us... And as we persevere in exercising this faith, we shall see and receive the strength that will help us triumph in any situation...

I think many a time, it is human nature to cringe from "bad happenings" in life... We hope that we won't ever have to face any problems in life at all... For some people, happiness can only be derived from life like a bed of roses... These will only have happiness: a temporary and superficial state of the moment but they will never know joy...

We cannot avoid "bad" events from happening because if it is in GOD's plan, it will happen, for reasons HE purpose... Sometimes, it's also for the strengthening of our spirit-man (that we do not waver along with circumstances), a process for the fashioning us into CHRIST-likeness, tried and tested; QC-ed in CHRIST-like quality... But we can choose how we respond to every situation... Okay, now time to start practicum... :p