I have been trying
to rest for this period of time... And this is the most difficult time of all... Because I have lost everything important to my life... And it is devastating to me...
One after another, pillar by pillar collapse... And I can do absolutely nothing about it... Only can stand and watch; I have tried everything within my human means but all proved futile...
A torrent of whys formed in my head... Why???!!!
What is it I have to learn? Is it because of my sins that GOD is punishing me? Is this spiritual warfare? What is this all about?
I ask GOD: What have I done to deserve all these? I gave of my heart and I never expect certain things to happen, from some people...
I saw JESUS, beautiful and perfect.. Full of love and helped so many people but what did he get from the very people whom he loved? Exactly what at all did he deserve to be tortured and crucified? JESUS loved and still love us, despite it all... Despite our imperfections, even though we are already baptised in water or SPIRIT... Yet HIS love is so steadfast, so so strong.
I ask GOD: I know what I'm going through is nothing as compared to what GOD has gone through, and moreover, I was a sinner redeemed by YOU and who still have so many occasional sins... But I can't help crying out coz it hurts too... It hurts a lot, one after another, why? Tell me what to do, so I can stop more things from happening?
I saw JESUS with a cup, looking up where a soft light was shining down. I understood that it meant "This is the will of GOD, HIS purpose for you". And JESUS did not ask "Why?" HE had the power, but HE laid it all down for my redemption.
I ask GOD: How will I pick up myself then? How is it possible? Can I wipe out my heart? I feel like running away from everybody and everything. I can't seem to find myself back... Faith, hope, joy, strength, passion, sunshine all seem to have gone from me... The world from my eyes have become dark, gloomy, hopeless and painful...
I just read an email today: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33, NIV). IN JESUS
I will find peace... I have forgotten...
More excerpts from the online Billy Graham Decision Magazine:
Seeking God in Our Pain»
by Greg Laurie
Sometimes we allow trouble, trauma and hardship to cause us to be angry with God. We withdraw from Him and don’t want to talk to Him. My friend, that’s when you need Him more than ever! Cry out to Him with your doubts. Cry out to Him with your pain. He will patiently, lovingly, hear you. He might set your crooked thinking straight as you seek Him, but He wants you to pour out your pain. He loves you!
Think of the way Job responded to devastating circumstances. Job not only lost a son, he lost seven sons and three daughters in one unimaginable day. And that was in addition to losing all his possessions and his health! But what did Job do? He cried out to the Lord, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21, NKJV).
Job did go on to question God in the days that followed, saying, “Lord, why?” There’s nothing wrong with asking God why, as long as you don’t get the idea that He somehow owes you an answer. Frankly, God doesn’t owe you or me an explanation.